Unrequited Affection: Looking For Happiness In The Wrong Places
photo credit: krisdecurtis
I have felt unloved since yesterday, so I sat down this morning and decided to be my own therapist, and use the power of my own mind to make me happy again. I compiled the thought sequence into this post.
I) Unrequited affection is painful
And the pain is worsened by:
Memories of past affection
- Memories of past affection are unreliable as basis for creating present happiness.
- Because:
- Today’s person is not the same as yesterday’s person, and tomorrow’s person will be different from today’s person..
- The way people show affection change.
Desire to win more affection from others
- Desire to win more affection from others is to look for happiness in the wrong places,
- Because:
- You suffer when you don’t get what you desire.
- You suffer when your expectations are not met.
- You suffer because you fear change and loosing what you desire.
What underlines attachment is a mind that sees things as permanent.
— Thubten Chodron
II) How to reduce the pain:
Accept that:
- People you are attached to change.
- Your expectations of how people should be(have) are not always met.
- Relationships are dynamic
- Nothing is permanent
Shift focus:
- Don’t be angry at people for not meeting your expectations.
- Take responsibility for your own happiness.
- Look for the love in yourself.
- Do something to spread the love and compassion that you find to others.
What do you do when you feel unloved?
Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it.
— Ghandi
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Related articles:
- Conscious Love: Being In Love
- Giving And Taking: Mind Training
- Forgiveness And Confrontation
- Change, Decluttering And Simplicity
- Happiness At Work: Serving Self And Others
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Comments
Thanks for the comment Mike! Your recommended book will be on my list of books-to-read. I enjoy your website as well, and hope to share a story about fasting there soon.
Good Insight Ani. It really goes right up there with one of my favorite books “The Way to Love” by Anthony DeMello.